Table setting, left, styled by Tanya Graff and photographed by Yunhee Kim, and Elizabeth Graves, photographed by Perry Hagopian

The Editor in Chief of Martha Stewart Living, Elizabeth Graves, shares pro tips on planning the perfect dinner party, from table settings to the best lighting.



The best parties always have…
Good music, great food and a comfortable, easy vibe — even when the scene is fancy. Fortunately, a host has all of that in her power. I think the tone you set is the most important; if you are at ease and having fun, everyone else will too. But when the host is stressing, everyone is stressing.

Some good icebreakers include…
My husband and I call it the “What If?” game — it’s great for when you’re having dinner with lots of people you don’t know or who don’t know each other (or when things are feeling a little stiff). Essentially you just pose a what-if question, like: What if you could only eat one type of cuisine (or, e.g., have one kind of candy…or decorate with one color…or live in one place) for the rest of your life, what would it be? You go around the table, and everyone answers the same question; then you start another one. It’s always fun, because you learn a lot about people quickly; it disarms even the most serious people (who doesn’t crack a smile when talking about his favorite candy?); and it usually starts a conversation that you have as a group. I love little conversations between a few people, but one big conversation feels like a party.

Tips on creating memorable tablescapes…
Don’t focus solely on what’s going down the middle of the table, but consider each person’s place setting, the elements right in front of them that they see and touch the most. My mom was a serious china collector before she retired, so I caught her passion for plates and patterns, and I like seeing them put together in an unexpected way. Linens go a long way, too, in setting the style you’re going for, but they simply feel good to the touch. And a small special detail — like your name written in a chic way (a good idea for parties with more than eight people) or something as simple as an herb, pretty shell, or polished stone — is nice to sit down to.

When it comes to centerpieces…
Less is always more — and nothing that competes with conversation. I prefer low arrangements with an organic and loose shape that feels easy and elegant. For the prettiest results, look for what looks best in your color scheme at the flower market that day instead of having your heart set on one favorite thing. Then add unexpected elements that work with the look you’re going for — maybe it’s the vessels or how you cover them, or placing smaller bowls of natural elements (think moss, whole walnuts, be as creative as you want to be), or a whimsical object (or two) that you love from around the house (or yard). I have a small bronze Sandoz bunny that my mom gave me, he often makes an appearance at dinner.

When planning the music and set list for my dinner parties, I always…
Take my friends’ tastes into account. But my husband and I love all different types of music, so we don’t really stress over it or plot it out too much. We just go with what we feel like at the time — and that could seriously be anything. Spotify is also great if guests want to add selections.

And when it comes to lighting…
Go for soft indirect lighting. You want people to feel comfortable — not like they are being interrogated under a spotlight. Any light that hits the top of the head or face in a strong way makes people feel self-conscious, so a dimmer is key with pendant lights (just don’t dial it down too dark, either; you won’t be able to see your food). One rule of thumb: If you’d feel comfortable trying on a swimsuit in that light, you’re good.

The hour before a party, you can find me…
In the kitchen.

You can never have too many…
Plates, wineglasses, or wine, for that matter.

Follow Elizabeth Graves on Instagram.

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